http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/032609dnmetcopstop.3e9c080.html?nTar=OPUR

This is an article from a Dallas newspaper about a cop who pulled over a NFL running back while he and his family were rushing to the hospital to see his dying mother-in-law before she passed away. The cop pulled them over in the parking lot and pointed his gun at him. He has been reassigned to dispatch until the investigation is over but I hope that they fire him. I doubt they will. He had a clean record until this.

I really do think that even though he didn't express it to the dasher cam, I think race had a lot to do with his reaction. I think that if it had been another family of another color, he would have been more apt to let them go see their dying mother-in-law. It disgusts me that there is such corruption. It defeats the purpose of serving and protecting the public when there is such blatant disregard to common courtesy. Just because you're used to dealing with criminals, it doesn't mean that everyone is a criminal.

After watching the first season of The Wire, which is a great show, I feel like the legal system is one big fat hypocrite. This cop is probably going to be allowed back on the force and why? Politics. Sometimes not even public outrage is enough to make a change and that saddens the heart.

Even though there are some great changes going on in our country, I still feel like...there is still so much corruption. It's disgusting this boys club where they do their damndest to cover each other. I just...sometimes I wonder why there is so much animosity and hate. Why can't people just let it go? What the past generation did is past. That is between that generation. It should be up to us to shape what society will be in the future and just when you think things are going great...something like this happens. We have to start over again. It disheartens the soul.

No wonder people would just rather ignore the plight and carry blinders when they walk out into the world. Sometimes the world is just not a very nice place to be in, even when it is the United States where you are "free" to be you.

Sweet Tea

I need to buy some more of that sweet tea vodka. It is so tasty. A little lemonade and it tastes just like sweet tea. Every time I drink it, it makes me want some chicken wings. Why, you say? Because the only time I ever drink sweet tea is when I'm at Fire in the Mountain eating chicken wings.

Yesterday, NWT was just crazy. Effendi was going psycho being the online bully and threatening physical harm. I'm not too worried about it. Lance and I talked about it yesterday when I came home from work. Effendi sent me a PM and basically told me that if I didn't keep a leash on my boyfriend, he was going to hurt him.

I said whatever. I'm not scared of you. To which he replied that I should just be silent. Whatever that means.

People who don't know us will often think that since Lance has the louder and bolder personality, he dominates our relationship because I'm a passive mouse. For those who do know us, they know that this isn't the case. I'm pretty easy going and really mellow. I also know what I'm worth and what I deserve so if I think he's being disrespectful to me (which seldom ever happens) or doing something stupid, I'll tell him. Just because we don't get into publicly doesn't mean we have a lop-sided relationship.

Anyway....that party that was supposed to happen at the 2410 by Danny G got cancelled. Spun Academy has taken it over and since they have DJs play at Mt. Hood every now and then, they're going to have all interested DJs go there instead. I don't know what that will mean for the ravers since...well...Mt Hood is a ways away and it's probably going to be outside.

We were going to go but Lance cancelled. No communication from Spun. It's better that way. Our friends Burnside and his wife, Stephanie, are flying in from Idaho and will be here for the weekend. AND my uncle's retirement party is on Saturday.

Cleaning House

This weekend was pretty relaxed although I feel like I drank the whole weekend. I really didn't. It's only because I went and bought some liquor on Friday after work. I found this Sweet Tea vodka and it is tasty. Add a little lemonade and you don't even feel that alcohol bite at the end. I had maybe three glasses of that. James drank plenty of that too and walked home more than a little drunk.

I also bought this Three Olive Cherry Vodka and I have to say, I am liking Three Olive Vodka. Their flavored vodka tastes good. I used the remaining of that for some jello shots and those tastes pretty wonderful too. On Saturday after breakfast, Lance and I went back to the liquor store and bought more.

But let's get back to Friday...we watched the game, didn't really do much that night. Lance played some music and Aaron came over to play music too. It was a very chilled night and we just drank. Lance and I both fell asleep with a full glass. When we woke up in the morning, we started drinking again and then went to Malone's for breakfast. The wait time for food was ridiculously long. The bartender said there was only one cook but it shouldn't take that long to make breakfast. it shouldn't take long to even toast bread. I finished my breakfast before I got my other toasted half (she dropped the other half on the floor). I never did receive it. Lame!

I could make breakfast for a house full of people in that amount of time AND still have time to eat and mingle. Geez. Poor service indeed. They have good Bloody Marys though.

Saturday we watched the game and then went to see Rusko later. We got there at about 11:15-ish and ran into some of the PDX 503 kids (well, they're adults like us). It was a nice time. Berbatis was so freakin' warm. Goodness!

While standing outside with everyone for some air, James Crews' girlfriend was a little drunk and kept calling me Diana. I later found out that it was because James had introduced me as such and...I felt so bad. I wanted to correct her but I didn't want to do it when it was so loud. Anyway, she wants to hang out and become friends, which is totally fine with me. She seems like a really cool girl.

Aside from chatting with Brittany, Aaron and I were talking about the people that we were observing and laughing at some of the antics. All of a sudden, Karen comes flying across the street with a doughnut in her hand. It was really nice to see my sister out and about. I guess they went clubbing for Quynn's birthday and stopped at VooDoo doughnuts for something sweet before leaving. It was almost 12:30am at this point.

Rusko was awesome. It had his own set-up and a bass guitar. He brought his own MC and it was just a fabulous time. The only thing that bugged me were the people trying to get in front of me and they're all big, tall people. For someone as small as I am, I don't like it but I refused to move from my spot to accommodate them so I pushed and nudged where I needed to.

There were these frat boy looking kids next to us who were really getting into except they were also drunk and just getting really obnoxious. One of them kept trying to bump around, mosh-pit style and he'd run into Lance who would step on my foot. Lance would push him back and then a friend would step in to calm the guy down. Finally, he did it a fourth time and I yelled at him and told him to stop it. He did.

They left right after that and one of their friends, this Asian guy, elbowed Lance on his way through the crowd. It was very not a nice thing to do. So....Lance pushed him back. All of a sudden the crowd cleared a little around us. His chest got all puffy and he was yelling at Lance, telling him to go outside to fight. I wasn't going to have this ruin my night and have someone drag my boyfriend into a fight so I moved right in front of Lance and started yelling at the Asian guy.

I told him "Fuck you, walk away right now!"

Before he could do some more posturing, Taz moved right in between us and totally blocked our view of the little small fry. It was pretty amazing. I looked at Lance, put my arm around him, glanced over to make sure everything was okay and we went back to viewing the show. Taz is a HUGE guy. Really tall. Lance and I both thanked him. I think if the Asian guy tried to rush Lance, I would have tried my darndest to punch him....but Lance probably would have pulled me out of the way and wrestle the guy into submission.

In any case...that was the only minor incident for us. We went home after that but we were too hyped up to sleep immediately so we listened to the music he downloaded. Sunday was a lazy day. We cleaned up the house.

Today at work, it is our first day with our reorganization plan. So far so good. It's a Monday, our busiest day and I'm finding that I have some downtime. Especially this afternoon. Hmmm...neato.

Energy

On St. Patty's day, we went to that pub my Kmart and listened to some rock music. Lance ran into some people that he went to middle school with. There were three of them. The girl in the group was going out with one of the guys and she confessed to Lance that she had a crush on him when she was in highschool. She smacked him on the butt when we were leaving. Whatever. Wishful thinking on her part, bitch.

In any case, right after that, we went to Ichabods and that place was much more mellow and less crowded. Thank goodness. I don't do drunk crowds very well.

While at the second location, we watched Lance win some money on the slot machines, had some burgers (pretty good) and then we had a really good conversation about energy and...it was a pretty deep conversation. It was just Lance, myself, and James. They were talking about drugs and the different affects it has and then it went to how it opens ones mind and gets rid of the walls that we give ourselves.

Most of the drugs they were talking about, I have never done before. But what they spoke of, I don't need drugs to understand. I think it is my background and culture that allows me to understand that not all things can be explained by science. We talked about how everything had energy and how what we do can affect the things around us.

For myself, I know there are things around us that we cannot name or explain. That's okay with me. I accept that there are some things that I will never understand but I am open to learning it if that is possible. I think that this is what some people have trouble accepting. They have a certain picture of how they want things done and how they want things to be in their world. If it doesn't make sense to them, a wall comes up and conflict ensues because there is no understanding between each other.

There are some things and some people that I will never jive with. I'm okay with that. I can choose not to associate with them. I will be civil. I don't see a reason not to be. After all, there are so many different perspectives that explain the mysteries of the world, it wouldn't make sense to try to force an answer/view on anyone just because one thinks that one's view is the right one.

Take my mother for instance...she's raised in the animalistic shaman culture but has since then embraced being a Jehovah Witness. In doing so, she renounces what she once believed and that is a conflict in interest. On top of that, she tries to get us onto the same boat with her and you know...seeing what we seen and being around shamans our whole life, how can you explain that? How can you explain the name changing ceremony? I truly believe that after we performed this ceremony for two of my siblings, they were healed.

Of course, when you ask her this, she says it was God's doing. Maybe it was the shaman who rode through the spirit road to locate the lost spirit and bring it home. Who can explain the battle that the shaman was in in trying to save the lost spirit? I can't. But I accept that something happened and it is such a profound experience to see this happening.

Sometimes I feel that I cannot express such thoughts because who can understand unless they live the same culture and/or have witnessed such an event.

I really do believe that everything happens for a reason and that dreams do reflect the future one way or the other.

Being 27

Almost a month into being 27 and ... I think I should feel more grown up but I still feel like I'm in my early twenties and enjoying life. I'm a domestic goddess, taking care of my boyfriend and dog, doing some baking here and there, and playing Ravin' Rabbids. Mentally, I don't feel any older. Physically, my joints do hurt a little more and even though I don't work out like I should, I still consider myself a pretty healthy person.

Hmmm....27....it's just a few years closer to 30.

Snowing

No, not really. There are little tiny flakes falling and sticking to the roof but not on the ground. We had a few patients call to cancel their appointments because they were scared to drive around in the snow. Lame. It's barely even sticking to the ground.

This weekend was nice. We went to go see Kalani's first lacrosse game/practice this Saturday morning. He did great. He is learning to hustle although I think he should pick up his feet a little more instead of shuffling. He does a lot of shuffling. Mel is trying to keep him active and away from videogames. We support that. He always wants to be in front of the TV playing video games.

Lance and I were joking around that it seems like everyone seems to come over just when we're getting dinner ready and then we invite them to join us for dinner. It seems like ever since Beck has started spending more and more of his time with his girlfriend, we have more people eating our food aside from just us. Genessa is good about repaying back but she is sure timely in getting to our house at dinner time.

Lance had to play at the rave on Saturday...or Sunday at 4am. I stayed with Kalani and we just both slept while he was gone. Time also jumped ahead because of daylights saving and he didn't get home until 5:30am. It was fine. Kalani had Dixie right next to him and I was snug and warm. All in all, it was a pretty lazy weekend for all of us.

Gosh

So last night when Lance came home at 4am, I told him how I felt. When I want to speak seriously, it isn't about what has happened recently. It is an accumulation of things that has been going on for longer than a few weeks. It takes me a while to think about the issue and determine if it is something that I'm just freaking out over for no reason or if I really do have something valid.

In all the years that we have been with each other, you'd think he'd get it by now that when I am telling him how I feel, I'm not talking about right then. I'm talking about a month worth of observations. I'm like my dad in that way. I won't say anything if something is done that doesn't jive with me. I'll wait. I'll wait to see if it happens again. I'll wait to see if there is a pattern. Only then do I say anything.

Last night, after receiving a text from him at around 1:30am that he would be at Jame's place for a beer and then come home, at 3:20am, he wasn't home. I called him to see where he was. Mostly to see if he was okay as in, not arrested for DUI or something. I laid there and thought about it.

Lately, ever since he lost his job, I feel like even though he has more time and we see each other every single day, I feel like we aren't together as much. With just us. I'm fine with him being with his friends. I'm okay with them coming over. That's fine. But I miss just hanging out with him. I miss hanging out with him without some loud mouth hanging around. I miss sleeping with him. Granted it's just sleep but I want him next to me for at least three hours before I have to go to work.

If he comes home on a weeknight at 4am and I have to up at 6am, I wake up when he arrives and it takes me 30 minutes to an hour to fall asleep again because he'll want to talk about the show and I listen because I want to. Then afterwards, depending on how much has drunk, he snores. He threw all of my ear plugs away so I can't block that noise and it freakin' irritates me because I can't sleep with all that damn noise. It's not just him making that noise, it's the dog too.

Since he lost his job, I have been awaken many a week nights by either one or both of them snoring!!!! I f-ing hate it. It makes me cranky when I get up and I HATE waking up in an angry or cranky mood.

I want to make sure this is documented here. As always whenever I try to tell him my feelings, he talks over and/or he'll refute what I have to say with an excuse of his own. All I want is to tell him how I feel and get it off my chest. I don't need him to get defensive on me. Of course he freaks out because he thinks I'm freaking out except it's really that I'm upset because I feel like he is not listening to me. He says I don't listen to him and you know what...he never gave me a chance to say what I had to say.

In any case, the conversation went south and turned into a stupid arguement. UGH!

He told me that I can just ask him to come home. I told him, I have done that on occassion and I have been burned. I am not going to go through that again because he says so. Next time, I know he's going to burn me when I ask that and forget about it. Again, I feel like I am getting mixed messages. This will never end.

I'm just ... tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of feeling that little spark of annoyance. Tired of being unsure. Just plain ole TIRED. I knew that night that this would happen. I knew it. I hoped for the best but it went exactly the way it always does and he will never get it. I don't want to argue, I just want him to listen. It's not listening if he's trying to talk over me at the same time.

I forgot

I forgot to add into the last entry that is.....TO is no longer with the Cowboys. I think that will be good for the team. As talented an athlete as he is, he's also very high maintenance to the point of paranoia. Paranoia because he'll raise a stink if he thinks people aren't paying him enough mind. What a shame though. He could have been a great star athlete. Instead, he's going to be a has been because he's such a diva on the freakin' field. WTH!

What else was I going to say in here.....hmmmm....

Darn, I forgot.

Right now, I'm sitting in bed watching The Eleventh Hour. I've only seen bits and pieces while channel surfing. I do like the actor though. I think he's pretty darn good. I just finished watching the CSI show that Taylor Swift guest starred in. She's such a cute girl. She seems so geniune. I hope her star shines bright and I think she will. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

I thought the episode was really good. Sad. But goood.

OMG. Someone just burst into flames in The Eleventh Hour. It starts out with anthrax attack and now...someone combusts in flame for no reason? Hmmmm....

I think I am going to stop blogging on MySpace. It's a pain in the ass and the format looks all warped. If I am going to be letting other people in on my blogspot, I don't think I can be as candid. I didn't say anything bad about anyone....except I don't want Lance to feel bad. I would feel awful. Even though he wants me to be upfront with how I am feeling, when I try to be, it never seems convenient for him to be open to it so...might as well keep it in and wait for the right moment. But sometimes...there is no right moment.

Still...I hate arguing with him and fighting about stupid little stuff just because we have different communication styles. Sometimes I think I am more clear than he is...but then again, like they say about women, we're more in tuned with our feelings. AND we can't compartmentalize it like men and I wish that I can just do that. I wish I can just put a feeling in a category and let it go. Instead...the harder I try to let it go, the harder it is to NOT think about it.

It is a good thing I am stubborn and I can listen. Otherwise, we'd get no where. I just wished I didn't have to do this sort of ring around the rosie just to know what my boyfriend thinks. Sometimes I feel like I have to ask the same question ten different ways in ten different kinds of scenarios just so I know how he is feeling or thinking. I don't read minds.

I bought an umbrella and I have only used it once and that was yesterday on the way home....after I complained to my coworker, Holley, about how I haven't been able ot use my new umbrella. Funny thing with the umbrella, when I went to go buy it last week on my way to Lance's mom's house, I had one of my fleece jackets under my arm....by the time I got to her place, it wasn't there anymore.

On the way over, I had noticed this trail of Cheetos bits on the sidewalk....I don't know where I could have dropped it. I didn't see it at all from Fred Meyer to his mom's place...It could have been in Fred Meyer....but I don't remember if it was before or after I paid. Fortunately, I didn't have anything valuable in there....if I had kept my phone in there, I would have been freaking out but....all safe. There's only used kleenex and maybe some lose change.

Well...I suppose I should settle into bed. I wanted to go out with Lance to his Techno Thursday night but unlike him, I don't have the luxury of sleeping in til my heart's content in the morning. I have to wake up at 6am and be out the door by 6:15am so I can catch my bus to get to work on time. It's a pain in the ass but it is a lot easier to do now that it is lighter outside...of ccourse, day lights savings time is coming up and that's just going to screw with it.

I hate waking up in the morning and having to be out in the cold. I hate it. I am tired of being cold! I've worn a skirt or dress all week because I have nothing to wear to work. I wish I had a pair of jeans to wear to work tomorrow. Too bad casual Friday doesn't include sweats.

Hiccups & TO

When I came home yesterday, I became suspicious because Lance was being very attentive, lovey, and nice to me. I realized later that he was getting drunk (he had finished off a 40 oz of 211 when I came home) and he had NOTHING to eat that day. Genessa was nice enough to come over and make us some dinner. That was super nice.

However, because of the drunkeness, he was also being kind of a dick. James wasn't helping much in the matter. I had to talk to Lance and he apologized to Genessa for being like that even though it was not his intention. It happens like this. When he hasn't had anything to eat and then starts to drink, he talks really loud and it's like he's yelling at you. In addition to that, he's always right.

He started to tell me that I wasn't on his team and it wasn't cool that I wasn't watching his back. Basically, he didn't think I should be helping Genessa. I reminded him that Genessa bought food and is making dinner for us. If she wants to pan fry the chicken instead of deep-frying it, let her. She was nice enough to bring dinner and we should thank her for it. When he said I wasn't watching his back, I told him, "Don't you pull that dick move on me again. This all comes down to how the chicken is cooked and I don't want to fight with you about it. She is making us dinner and that's the way she wants to make it so be nice. It's going to taste good anyway."

Then he tried to say some stuff about if she thinks it is her kitchen, I shouldn't help. I told him, it's my kitchen and if she wants me to help her, I will. All I have been doing was giving my opinion on how the chicken is cooked. In any case, he apologized and said I was 100% right. I just want to make sure I have that documented in case he ever says otherwise.

After dinner, Lance got the hiccup attacks. It lasted all night. Poor guy. It was really bad. We went out to Pala and the Crown Room anyway. He bitched the whole time and James bitched along right with him. It gets really loud sometimes when they're like that. Lance raves or rants about something and James will chime in whether he knows what all is going on or not.

The night was fine. Lance wasn't having a great time because he was feeling horrible from the hiccups. Last night was Diselboy and I've seen him so many times. He is a great DJ, don't get me wrong, but I'm also totally fine not seeing him time and time again. We left about 10 minutes before Dieselboy came on. I was fine with leaving early. I have to get up early in the morning anyway.

I hope he's doing better today. I am going to have to make sure that we're well stocked with Tums and Pepto.

Cookies

Lance made some special butter and while I was at work, he made some special chocolate chip cookies. Genessa stopped by after work and after five cookies, she was pretty much out for the count. Dixie snagged some cookies (bad girl) and she was pretty listless. Not even the promise of a walk or a car ride stirred her. Poor girl.

I had three of them and it was really strong for me. I woke up for work on Tuesday still feeling woozy and it was like that for most of the day. It was a concentrated effort to focus and surprisingly enough, I think I got a lot of work done. I was quite the busy busy bee.

Last night I had one cookie and I was still feeling woozy. Jake came over with his new sound. He wanted to hook it up and see how it played. It sounds awesome. He brought his projector too and we played some Wii games. It was pretty awesome but the bad part about it was that you couldn't stand in the middle because you would be blocking the projector.

Lance went to go meet up with Steve (Mayhem) at Adam's place. I wanted to go too but...it was better if I stayed home. It would have been a late night and I can do with 4 hours of sleep but not with 3 hours. Lance came home a little after three and some time during the night, he woke me up and...well...that was a half hour or so lost. Oh well.

While he was gone, I had taken a shower and hung out in the room playing Gaiaonline. It is so much faster and easier to play it on the explorer vs the google chrome.

I best get back to work. Laters!

Birthday Weekend

I went in to work for half a day on Thursday even though I had requested the day off. I wanted to get some work done so I didn't have to come back to more work than I left with. Lance came to pick me up at about 12:30pm and we went to get some lunch at Jinwah in Beaverton. After that, we went home to hang out. He bought me a card and some fresh tulips and a rose. I love fresh flowers.

I baked cupcakes for the party. French vanilla cupcakes with made-from-scratch chocolate frosting and butterfinger crumbles. It was good. I only made about 24 of them even though Lance wanted me to make 48. The problem was transporting them. I ended up just foiling a box lid and laying them in there. They were all gone at the party and I hope people liked it. I know James ate two of them, he told me so.

Everyone who played were awesome. Lance started out with some dubstep then Justin 3peace came on with some techy electro. Tom Swift was pretty darn awesome and Little Terror with his 2-step ended the night pretty wonderfully.

I was so surprised to see our east side friends like Naoki and Kevin. It was very understandable to me if they were not able to make it because it was a work night and all. Karen even showed up! Yay! It is great to see her always. Lance's mom was there with two of her friends.

My hand was never without a drink. I had such a great time. I didn't realize how drunk I got until the end of the night. I remember getting in the car and thanking James for driving us home. I don't really remember the ride home or getting out of the car. I remember smoking with them and then I said good night because since there was nothing stimulating me, I was tired.

There were almost two fights at the party. Wendy showed her face because Allen told her that he was going to be there. What a dumbass. I was oblivious to this until later. Apparently, Tracy saw her come in the door and promptly pulled her out to confront her. She pushed her and Wendy fell to the ground. Shannon was out there smoking and she talked Tracy out of doing more harm.

After Justin was done with his set, he went outside and confronted Allen. Allen was sucker punched and fell to the ground. I guess he got up and started running and called the cops. When we were going to go out there for a smoke, Beck told Nicki and I not to go outside. I went back to the bar in my happy oblivious bliss and later found out that there were 6 cop cars and a K-9 unit out there looking for a guy in a red hat and red shirt, which was what Justin was wearing.

Someone snagged his hat and another person switched shirts with him. A few cops came inside to do a walk around but couldn't find him even though he was only sitting a few seats away from me at the bar. It was quite an interesting night, I would say. Justin, of course, apologized profusely.

And that was that. It was a great party. A great night. The rest of weekend, I just laid low in my pajamas. I don't think I went out at all. Lance went out with James to the DJ club on Friday and to Fetter's on Saturday. I opted out of the DJ club but woke up when they came back home. I was up watching Iron Chef online and playing gaiaonline.

I don't like going to Fetter's. Despite what they say about having a bunch of people over, there is almost always just ten people that show. All youngins looking to get drunk. It's really lame and even though Lance thinks Fetter is arrogant but learning. I just think that Fetter is a douchebag. The guy thinks he is the shit and he thinks he's an awesome DJ. Ugh! I think he's boring and that he talks more than he does.

In any case, it was a good weekend.